Favorite My Conciousness Journey~Jennifer’s Story

Taking on consciousness coaching with me is no small decision. It
requires the courage to be completely transparent. It requires the
strength to face one’s fears and demons. It requires the willingness to
own the things one wishes no one else knew about them. And it requires
the commitment to keep going, long past when the person might want to
quit. But the payoffs can be huge. Raising consciousness can transform
a person’s life, helping them find a deeper sense of self, peace,
purpose, and joy.

Jenna was courageous enough to accept the challenge. Over a period of
almost three years she faced her fears and demons, took on some
tremendous challenges, and walked through fire. And now she is emerging
transformed. I have seen her grow more spiritually in 3 years than many
do in a lifetime. I believe her accomplishments and rewards are
incredible. Her story is quite remarkable from a consciousness
transformation standpoint. But I will leave it to her to tell it here
from her own perspective. : )~John Smotherman

My Journey Consciousness Journey~Jennifer

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I have always  been driven by a deep spiritual hunger and I had pursued it with passion in my religious upbringing.  However a few years ago I came to a place where I began to feel spiritually quenched and I did not feel like my life was bearing the kind of spiritual fruit that I wanted to see it yield.  My external life and inner journey were tumultuous.  On the surface I was struggling with adherence to good nutrition and the resulting body image issues that came from not taking care of myself.  I was masking my spiritual hunger with the desire to please others and find my worth there.  This led to an over-committed lifestyle which was driven by chaos in time management, lack of focus in attention and a pattern of creating stress.  I handled stress with anger and that anger would become unleashed when I felt threatened or tired usually at my spouse.  Although I was seeking spiritual intimacy and on the surface quite successful at many things in my outward life, I was destroying myself and my family.

About three years ago, I was given the opportunity to work one on one with a consciousness coach if I would agree to surrender 100% to the training that was to be required.  It was a frightening leap to take and the process has been quite arduous. I was absolutely terrified that it might lead me down a path that would cause me to deny my faith.  However, I was creating some very painful consequences for myself and others.  

My life kind of fell apart right as the coaching process began.  Within a very few months, I would up facing bankruptcy, foreclosure and divorce all outcomes of internal issues that were not getting the attention required. I also found myself moving back to my hometown which is situated in the midst of a desert.  So I can literally say that it has been very much a “desert experience” for this nature lover.  

The coaching process has been intense and it has taken a lot of work.  At the time of this writing, I have been working through it for about three years.  I will save some of the details of how this has worked for me and what has been involved for later posts.  For now, I will summarize by saying that over time I began to be able to be able to navigate my inner world and surrender to my soul and the results of this are finally beginning to be tangible.

I am very much still a work in progress, but I am in a very different place.   I relate very amicably now with my ex as a soul-mate whose journey I respect. I am a much better parent. I have found an empowering job.  And, in the last 3 1/2  months I have lost 45 pounds.  While I have embraced a very simple whole food driven diet, my adherence to it is a result of being able to now live from a place of inner balance. The anger, approval issues and self hatred have improved. 

Old passions that have lied dormant for years are finally coming through and getting attention.  Many of these dreams have to do with “finding voice”.  I began singing this year and within a few weeks I was training vocally and I now participate in my symphony chorale, our church choir and I am doing some vocal work in musical theatre productions. I have always had deep passion for both theatre and music but I never dreamed I would be training in classical vocal work or participating in the kinds of opportunities that have emerged.  For me the music, my coworkers and the people whom I have met in my hometown have very much become an oasis in the desert in which I live. However, I believe that all of the visible changes are extensions of the deeper work that is going on in me underneath the surface.

From the beginning of my journey, I decided that I would measure spiritual growth by my ability to love others without condition and by the kind of fruit that I have always seen as marks of authentic spiritual depth (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, self-discipline ).  After three years of training, I  can say that I have learned to live in a state of inner peace that transcends anything that I have ever experienced.  It is the kind of peace that I used to experience when I would go away on a personal retreats or get extended time in nature but it is forming within me.  I am learning that I can live in it’s stability day in and day out.

The fear that I had about “losing my faith” has not come to pass. In fact, I found a deeper sense of spiritual intimacy than I have ever known. Participation in sacramental living, reading scripture and other sacred texts, contemplative meditation and prayer are all even more deeply embedded into my spiritual journey.  

Transformation of course is always an ongoing process.  I very much still in the process of coaching but I feel that I am now in a position to begin to learn what it means to truly love and serve others because my own mountain of self is now much less in my way.